


Listen To Me

by Reggie_live101



Series: Shepard Legacy [2]
Category: Mass Effect, Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Colonist (Mass Effect), Earthborn (Mass Effect), Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, Mental Breakdown, Mention of Javik, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Past, mention of Liara
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-24
Updated: 2017-07-24
Packaged: 2018-12-06 04:59:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11593437
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Reggie_live101/pseuds/Reggie_live101
Summary: >Disclaimer< this was a quick one shot, planning on re-writing this for something else in the possible future.The worst feeling in the world is knowing you did the best you could and it still wasn't good enough.Post-Thessia.a Quick inside to Shepard's mind in the aftermath.





	Listen To Me

**Author's Note:**

> I properly should've posted this is a little early, but I needed to get it out of my system. 
> 
> This is still Erin Shepard from “This is who you are” but this chapter is pretty much random

 

> **_2186_ **
> 
> **_Normandy_ **
> 
> **_Post-Thessia_ **
> 
> **_Shepard's Cabin_ **

 

 

Shepard was making her way to the elevator, still in her bloodied damaged armor. She had a pissed off look on her face biting her bottom lip that hard that there was some blood. She stood there for a second. “DAMMIT!” she shouted turning around and punched the wall that hard she heard and felt something brake, and she hit it the wall it left a faint dint.

 

She was so stressed, so frustrated, so angry, she was filled with sadness she felt so anxious. It was that bad she could feel tears started to creep out of her eyes. She gritted her teeth and held onto her busted hand, squeezing it. As she squeezed it pain shot around her body, but she just kept squeezing.

 

The doors opened and she made her way into her cabin. She paced the length of her fish and she kept squeezing her hand.

 

“DAMMIT! FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!” she screamed out.

 

She turned towards the bathroom and walked in, taking her stuff off as she went. Shepard stood there was the water fell down her body with some blood from the battle, her right hand was starting to become swollen. But the thing about having a shower is being able to hide the tears as they fall from your eyes. Once she finished she wrapped a towel around her, and looked into the mirror.

As Shepard looked at herself, she saw how stressed she looked, her scars where more detailed, red glowing against her light tanned skin, her eyes where a dark shade of green, there was evidence of bags starting to from under her eyes.

 

She hated it.

 

She hated what looked back at her.

 

As she looked, she grew more and more angry, then suddenly she pounced the mirror with her already busted hand, she pounced and pounced and pounced, till all she saw was red covering the shattered pieces of glass. Some pieces of glass had lodged itself in-between her knuckles, her fist poured out with blood, but the pain didn’t stop her tho, she still hit the broken mirror. She saw a piece of broken glass and grabbed it and pierced her left hand repeatedly, as she stabbed her hand the glass slit her fingers as she gripped it tighter and tighter, tears falling as she did.

Once she finally had stopped the sink was like someone had been slaughtered, splattered blood over everything. She had gone to her knees with her arms draped over the sink dripping with blood as she quietly cried to herself.

 

Shepard made her way out of the bathroom with her hands wrapped in a bloody towel, she looked up and saw garrus was sat on the bed in his civvies, looking at a datapad. – _Not surprising it was his room as well_ – Garrus looked at her and his eyes grow, he threw the pad on the bed and rushed towards her.

 

“SPIRITS SHEPARD!” he had such a worried tone to her voice.

 

Shepard didn’t say anything and kept her gaze to the floor.

 

Garrus pulled the towel of her hands and got a clean one, wrapping them and holding them tightly, she squinted her eyes as he did. “Shepard…” his voice was so soft, so gentle, she felt she could cry even more.

 

Garrus guided her to her bed. He went and got some medical supplies she had stored in her draws. Garrus sat next to her unwrapping the towel, he applied some Medi-gel to the still bleeding/swollen hands. He cleaned the blood from her hands and began to put bandages on

 

“How did it ever come to this?” she spoke as she watched Garrus applied the gel and bandages. Garrus looked at her.

 

“How did my live end up…like this? Why the fuck couldn’t I just stayed dead, why the fuck did Liara have to give my body to Cerberus!”

 

“You don’t mean that Shepard” Garrus bit.

 

“I DO!” she pulled away, standing up. “I never wanted to be brought back”

 

This took Garrus by surprised. There was a short pause and Shepard placed her left hand on her head and let out a sigh. Shepard had her back to him as she stood there. Garrus stood up and placed his hand on her shoulder, Shepard stood still staring into space.

 

“I never wanted to be alive. Growing up on earth I was told I was worthless, they told me that I’m nothing. The way I… I was treated as well made me believed them… what else I could do. I didn’t have anyone. I…I don’t….. I don’t know anymore.” Shepard sounded so broke, she was trembling, trying to hold the tears and bad memories back.

 

Garrus looked heartbroken, he pulled her into his chest. Shepard didn’t even bother to brake free, truth-be-told she didn’t have the energy.

 

He hugged her so tight. He was so warm, Shepard should feel a few tears leaking from her eyes.

 

“Just because _you_ think your worthless, doesn’t make it true.” He spoke with such love, such grace.

 

Shepard couldn’t hold the tears back and they quietly fell down her freckly, red scarred face.

 

They stood there for a moment or 2 and she pulled away from him. She was still frustrated it angered her so much. However she tried to hide it, truing around giving him a fake smile. Not like he would go for something like that.

 

No not Garrus.

 

Garrus was too clever to fall for something like that. And besides he has his visor on, he properly can tell what her stress levels are.

 

Shepard had made her way to her desk grabbing a fresh par of small tight female boxers and a black tank top. She leaned on the desk, nearly sitting on it with garrus standing oppisit her with his arms crossed over his chest and holding his weigh onto one leg.

 

“Are you okay?” he asked knowing what kind of answer he was going to get.

 

“I’m fine” she spoke dryly as she put her boxers on taking her towel off and putting her tank top on.

 

“I know you’re not” he stepping a few inches closer.

 

Shepard was looking at him with no emotion then she let out a sigh.

 

“Killing all those Batarian’s…” Shepard looked from his gaze staring to the floor next to him

 

Garrus didn’t say anything he just stood there waiting for her to finish.

 

“All because Hackett asked me to go rescue that fucking indoctrinated bitch!” Shepard shot off the desk. Crossing her arms over her chest, sort of hugging herself, trying to find some comfort as she paced.

 

“And then asteroid hit the relay, and killed… killed them all…. I’ve never been the on to shy away from a body count… but one that killed a whole planet full, lives that bought us some time to prepare for the reapers….”

 

Shepard stopped and an unamused smile went across her face. “HA! Right…prepare for the reapers! Like they’d fucking believe me!”

 

Shepard stopped with her back to Garrus. She placed her damaged left hand covered in bandage that had a bit of blood on, on her face with her fingers spared as far as they could go.

 

“I-I can’t take it anymore… I really can’t, I’m barely holding on by a thread Garrus” Shepard turned around looking at him with her arms draped at the side of her.

 

“I’ve had a lot of shit done/happen to me. I’ve been betrayed, cheated, set up, I’ve lost people closes to me, I’ve had people not believe me, even the ones I called a close friend. They turned their backs on me, called me traitor.” She looked unsettled biting her bottom lip a bit.

 

Garrus was about to go to her but she suddenly turned towards the fish tank placing her right palm on it, well as much as her broken hand would take.

 

“I’m just fed up” she sighed.

 

“Why did I have to be the one to head spear this war? Everyone counting on me… “Shepard moved back truing towards the bed

 

 _“Oh look here comes Commander fuckin’ Shepard, yeah she has nothing better to fuckin’ do! She doesn’t need to fucking eat or sleep easy at night, who gives a fuck! We’ll just give her our fucking problem and let commander fuckin’ Shepard deal with them! That’s all she’s good for! Is just to sort out other people’s fucking problems!”_ Shepard was waving her arms about dramatically with a sarcastic tone to her voice. She clenched her left fist and it started to glow a blue/purple colour.

 

Garrus followed her standing on the top of the steps. “That’s a lot of Fucks, Shepard. Been spending time with Jake?” he joked.

 

Shepard looked at him and tutted with a smile on her face. Shepard moved to the bed and sat down her elbows resting on her knees and her head in her hands.

 

“I feel sorry for Liara, I really do.” She looked up.

 

“BUT COME ON! “She shot up.

 

“She’s acting as if she’s the only fucker who’s lost their homeworld!” Shepard moved towards where Garrus was standing and looked at him.

 

“Look at what happened to Earth, to Paleven! The council knew that we needed the fucking crucible! Liara told them herself! But as usual they don’t help until their fucking assess need helping!  Then. Then he had the cheek to say _next time we go to war, maybe the Alliance can spring for air support?_ Uh what! She’s supposed to be the Fucking SHADOW BROKER! It seems the reality of the war just hit her. It’s fucking frustrating!”  Shepard body started to glow.

 

“I mean the Asari had a fucking protheans beacon in the temple… a Prothean bacon!”  Shepard sent off a small but yet powerful shockwave knocking over the wine glasses and damaging the table.

 

“She was in such denial when Javik was telling her about how her history with the Protheans.” Shepard blasted out still glowing.

 

“And you know what, it’s their fuckin’ own fault! They could have given us the crucible but they decided to wait until now! When they need FUCKING HELPING!”

 

There was a short pause.

 

“You don’t mean that” Garrus spoke gently moving to her while placing a hand on her shoulder.

 

“I do, just fuck them”

 

“FUCK ‘EM ALL!” she cried.

 

“And don’t even get me started on that fucking Kai Leng cunt! Next time I see him his head going to the front of the fucking Normandy!!!”

 

Shepard stood there with Garrus standing behind her with his hand on her shoulders. There was silence in the room.

 

“Emotionally: I’m done. Mentally: I’m drained. Spiritually: I’m dead. Physically: I smile” Shepard was trying hard not to cry she was crossed her arms holding tightly biting her lips.

 

Garrus sat on the bed pulled her onto him, so she sat back on his lap. He cupped her face with his hands. He sat there with Shepard sat in his lap with her knees bent at each side of his legs, he was so close to her face that he saw the faint freckles gong across her nose and cheeks.

 

Her eyes where a stunning teal. The look in her eyes was that of a broken person he could see how defeated she was. Her eyes where threatening to leak. He made eye contact with her and she quickly closed her eyes squinting them with her bottom lip quivering. She was holding her hands tightly together he could see the pain in her face and fresh blood leaking out.

 

Garrus moved his hands from her face and pulled her hands apart. She pathetically resisted but it was pointless. He held onto them so softly, making sure not to hurt her she opened her eyes and looking into his breath-taking ice/warm blue eyes.

 

The room was so quiet you could hear a pin drop. Their heartbeats had synced and he could see that her eyes where watering up with a small tear falling down.

 

Garrus slowly moved his hands back on her face, with his thumbs under her eye, gently wiping away the tear with his talon. Shepard was shocked to see this and tried to move away but his grip was strong and she hardly had the energy to fight him.

 

“P-please let me go” she had given up.

 

“Why?”  He asked quietly.

 

“I don’t like crying in front of people”

 

Shepard slowly looked at him, his eyes so blue it melted your heart. Shepard moved her hands on his and slowly gripped her fingers around them.

 

Shepard looked at him, her eyes so full of pain. The pain eating away at her that much, it hurt Garrus seeing her like this.

 

As she looked at him her eyes made like a broken dam and tears poured out.

 

This had taken Garrus back, it was extremely rare to see her cry, even when the situation called for it. She had always been strong, it’s one of the reasons he loved her so much.

 

Shepard had moved her busted up hands covering her face so he didn’t see her cry, Garrus pulled her into his chest as she balled her eyes out, her crying muffled by her hands and his chest. He placed his left hand on the back of her head while her hugged her with his right, he held onto her so tight, tight so she knew she wasn’t alone, so she knew she had someone who she could be vulnerable in front of, he placed his head gently on top of her hers.

 

“I can’t promises you that things will be alight, but no matter what I’m always here for you. We can defeat the reapers, I just know it. It may be a painful journey but we’ll come out stronger” Garrus spoke so gentle, such love, it made her cry even more, he could feel her trembling on his grip.

 

“Besides, I’m gonna be the one to take the headshot”

 

Shepard let out a soft laugh as she held onto him.

 

“To be honest” Shepard moved her head up to meet his gaze, tears still coming down her face.

 

“It did make me laugh at how Javik was trolling Liara. It was funny” Shepard let out a small smile trying to hold her tears.

 

Garrus laughed a bit tightening his grip on her before leaning back on the bed.

**Author's Note:**

> once I get to Writing the ME3 chapters for Thessia, i might had some more details to this or have it as a more, in depth version.... if that makes sense XD. 
> 
> Anyway i hope you enjoy.


End file.
